pic of the week

Weekly photo blog

boat days

seems i was born dizzy: i’ve always had seriously low blood pressure and also some postural condition that makes me dizzy, faint & lightheaded when I stand up. on good days i barely notice it. on not so good days i run around lightheaded and get blurry visions from getting up. and on bad days even bending down to the sink makes everything turn black and my ears drowning in noise like standing under a waterfall. and on very bad days it’s what i call a ‘boat day’.

i’ve recently made an attempt to get this checked out because it’s takes a lot out of me at times – i made it through various checks all the way to the ECG when a very talk-to-the-hand grey-haired male doctor told me that i’ve got a perfectly healthy heart, a very low blood pressure and what’s called ‘postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome‘ meaning getting dizzy when i get up. nothing much to do about it and he dismissed me with the words that i should be grateful because i won’t ever be a risk patient for a heart attack.

well, yes, i’m grateful for that. but i don’t think he quite understood. so here’s what a boat day is like for me:

boat_days

boat days

there are days when my body feels like

the body of a boat

a little near invisible boat

furiously tossed up, down

by huge waves of vast salty oceans

thrown starboard, port side and back again

strangled by granite waves as big and wild as

a pack of wolves

waves crushing over me

mangling me

drowning me

swallowing me

turning my body upside down and

my head, heavy head, slowly sinks

I can tell no longer which direction

is where

am just rocking swaying

fighting to keep breathing

balance is a dream too exhausting to dream

today is such a day

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The Author

Writer, Photographer, Craftivist, Facilitator, Mediator, Trainer, Founding Director of deep:black. Passionate about equality & empowerment. And about anger & vulnerability.