no pic of the week

Weekly photo blog

the journey

this past week I did ‘The Journey’ in Embercombe. It was magical, powerful and deeply enriching. I didn’t take  any photos – but I wrote this poem in  reflection of one of our activities.


she says

she says she used to like herself

before her sister J died, on 3rd October

(the day of after my birthday)

her baby sister\she (like myself) the middle one

she says J had nearly died before and pats back a streak of greying her behind her ear

gently and slowly the way a half-sleeping dog licks his leg

she says they had always been very close and entwines her fingers

I think of ivy around a tree trunk

together they’ve been roaming the streets of Exeter that now speak of emptiness and

she’s still got Gabriel and the dog

I’m glad she cannot hear the wild dogs barking inside me

a pigeon shits on the pavement next to where her blue canvas shoe with the bright white flowers almost touches my dirty bare foot

it’s a sign of good luck, she says and doesn’t believe it herself

I stop trying to find the right thing to say as she touches my shoulder and apologises for having gone on for so long, and goes on to tell me that she didn’t like being the one seeing her sister die and 

that she’s glad her sister didn’t die alone

she says she used to like herself before her sister J died on her, aged 48 and surrounded by bottles of cheap wine, too much water in the lungs and no life left to fight it back

it’s because she doesn’t like herself when she drinks, she’s not an alcoholic but since J died…

she says she liked about herself that she helped people

she’s got will power, she says, and I notice her eyes that look at me fully with no smile in them are as blue as the summer sky above us

when I walk on I’m flooded with a gush of sadness that she had not share

and for a while I cannot see.


The Author

Writer, Photographer, Craftivist, Facilitator, Founding Director of deep:black. Passionate about learning & discovery. "Immer noch offen"

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  1. Pingback: pic of the week | petra hilgers

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